The most cherished circle in everyone’s life is the family. You just cannot find anything like it in the world. Wherever you try to look around or ask around, the family you have been signed up to until forever is definitely one of a kind.
Because your family is important to you, surely, it does not please you or any member of the brood when there are misunderstandings and arguments inside the home. Clashing personalities, differences of opinions, offenses, jealousy and money matters are just among the most common roots of home conflicts. Without question, these leave hurts, pains and sadness because along with the harmonious atmosphere being ruined, the relationships are first and foremost affected. What’s more, even those who are not directly involved get emotionally overwhelmed.
No family is perfect. Disagreements and feuds within it are filed under the most damaging and hard-to-solve family challenges. Hard trials come not to wreck the team but to test and strengthen it. You can say that they are sometimes necessary in this journey called life, so that you can grow tough as a troop and as individuals; and that is regardless of the distance that might come between the family members the moment everyone goes far away to make a living or gets to build his/her own family too.
But remember that learning and growing through these family issues are only most possible when you yourselves make an effort to triumph over them. That is when you do something to overcome them. When relationship problems within the family occur, here are 8 ways that can help you fix them.
1 – IDENTIFY AND ACKNOWLEDGE THE ISSUE.
This list is not a step-by-step process of patching up family fights. Nonetheless, the first move should always be identifying what the issue actually is and acknowledging that it exists.
You know, it’s easy to just keep silent and to ignore the presence of the family members you are on bad terms with, even when you are living under the same roof, but that will never repair what’s broken. On the other hand, it’s unfortunately easy to just accuse others without really knowing what’s going on, but that will make the bad worse.
Complete and clear awareness is crucial. Determine the problem from all angles, and know why it has happened. Regardless if you are the one who has hurt others or who has been hurt by others, this is important, so expressing how you feel will not be difficult for you and for your family. At the same time, it won’t be a vague issue which might actually be a little misunderstanding caused by the parties involved not conversing with each other.
When the family knows the origin and the core of the dispute, then you will also know the area to target in order to put things and people back together.
2 – HONESTLY YET RESPECTFULLY SPEAK ABOUT YOUR FEELINGS AND OPINIONS.
Conveying your feelings and opinions is vital in conflicts, so that the whole family understands. Explain your side honestly yet respectfully. Regardless of whether you are the child or the parent, be respectful. Be wholehearted, and they will know that you are. If you are upset, tell them you’re upset, but do not do so in such a way that will start another set of bicker. Take control of your emotions, and don’t let your emotions take control of you. In that way, you can maintain a peaceful conversation even when the family is not yet at peace.
3 – AT THE SAME TIME, LISTEN TO UNDERSTAND OTHER FAMILY MEMBERS.
The inevitable buddy of speaking is listening. That’s what communication is all about. However, never forget that you must listen to understand and not to merely respond!
If you just listen so you can go against them, then that’s not the kind of listening that will restore relationships. So you can understand other family members’ positions and sentiments, pay attention to what they say like you really want to hear them out and comprehend their standpoint. When all parties do this, solving the problem is not far away from home.
4 – DO NOT BLAME ANYONE. APOLOGIZE IF YOU DID WRONG.
Blaming starts fires and at the same time adds fuel to existing flames.
Although you might know someone to blame in the family, do not endlessly and rudely point your finger at them. Instead, let them realize their shortcomings in a way that will not make them feel that you are condemning them.
Meanwhile, if you did something wrong, thus, the one to be blamed, acknowledge it and apologize.
5 – PUT YOUR PRIDE DOWN.
A huge, hard-to-tear-down wall, that obstructs all the means to fix family relationships (and relationships in general) is pride.
Pride is the reason why some people in a dispute decline to communicate and shut others out. It’s the culprit why people do not want to ever lose a debate. It’s the main advocate of never asking for forgiveness and never initiating peacemaking.
If you want to fix the problem within your home, put your pride down. It’s easier said than done, but you have to think carefully and see how you can manage the problem better without pride blocking the way. Although one courageous person is required to kick-start it, it takes all the parties involved to set aside their pride to fully solve the problem.
6 – PREVENT HEATED ARGUMENTS.
When the family is in a discussion about trying to mend the relationship, pretty sure, you can imagine how a series of back talking can fire off throughout the whole gathering. Though it might be normal, it’s better to prevent them to prevent heated arguments which might lead to hurting each other more, if not verbally, then physically.
7 – LOOK FORWARD TO RECONCILIATION.
The problem is occurring within the family members. It’s not like you are competing with strangers. Aim to sew up and restore the relationship. The goal is not to win alone but to win together. Look forward to reconciliation, and encourage other family members to do so as well. When you focus on ceasefire, you can achieve peace. Though it might need a long process depending on several factors, still, the important thing is you do achieve it.
8 – SEEK PROFESSIONAL ASSISTANCE.
Some family quarrels are over pure miscommunications and misreadings, and they can be mended through sincere private discussions. Sad to say, some relationship conflicts are over finances, properties and violence, and they cannot just easily be solved through talking things out, most especially when one is or both parties are not willing to cooperate.
For grievous family wrangles, seeking professional assistance can help you big time. It might be an urgent need too. Again, especially for those that need legal help, such as those that involve ownership rights and human rights, this is highly significant.
There are legal experts and family lawyers whom you can work with to solve and settle such situations. Moreover, there are therapies and counseling services for families undergoing relationship problems within the home itself. These are tremendous help for everyone to understand the issue better, to come up with a solution and to care for his/her health amidst all. All these are confidential, so anyone who needs help can worry nothing about revealing their family’s issues to others that need not to know anything.
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FAMILY LOVE TO THE FULLEST
Life isn’t great when you have an unmended wound caused by an unresolved family conflict. It’s suffocating and regretful, especially when you are wanting to fix things when it’s already too late — when the damage is unthinkable or when someone is already gone.
Disputes in the family are tests of life, too, and they can only be fulfilling if you take the test in the right way, regardless if it takes a long way. Don’t let those cases remain unclosed forever. You will be able to gain peace of mind and peace at home when you choose to mend the broken parts. Love and appreciate your family to the fullest. There’s only one in the world specifically designed for you.
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ABOUT THE AUTHOR: Nicole Ann Pore is the writer of this article.